Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
