Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
