I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
