That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
