idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
