Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
