i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hippo gnu deer
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
