Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
