i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
this hospital has no fireball
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
