he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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