yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
