my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
