I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Pappa wants mamma naked
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
