Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
