There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
