Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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