The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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