what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
