Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
