but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
