apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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