If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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