The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
