it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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