I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The power of my boobs compel you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
