The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
dude. I can hear the air.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
