Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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