Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
