Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
