I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
