you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
