Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
