We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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