Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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