i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize