my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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