I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
