are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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