My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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