dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
