So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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