This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
