I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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