Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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