he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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