remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Randomize
