i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
