I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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