Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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