I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
