oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
