My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
