Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
