Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
