literally had 100 drinks last night.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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