i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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