It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
