to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is my gift to your gina
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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