Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
