Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
