Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
His nipple licking is glorious
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