i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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