tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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