well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
