You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
