Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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