I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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