i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
