Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
