he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
