I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
