dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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