Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
