So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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