and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
