I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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