she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
