Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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