When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
